Today I was reading a book which talked of slaves.  At one point one slave stepped in between the angry master and the slave enduring the punishment.  This slave wanted to spare the punishment of the other.  The punishment was misdirected.  Today I wanted to stand in the place of someone else’s beating.  But truth be told, it is hard to be brave sometimes.  Let me explain.

In order to explain, I have to back up to my past.  All my life I have loved being a girl.  I love that God made men and women different.  All my life I would have told you all I really want is to be a wife.  Yet I never dated all through high school and all through college.  My first date was when I was 25. By the time I was 30 I was still hopeful, but in honesty I think I was loosing hope.  I secretly wondered if God was going to say no to this desire of mine.  I wondered if I’d ever get married.  I’d been on a handful of dates with a handful of men.  However, I seemed to attract men I shouldn’t date, or couldn’t date due to their lack of belief in God.

Through the years, God had been calling me closer to himself.  For that, I am grateful.  Despite this, I still longed to be in a relationship.  Some friends tried to set me up.  One dear woman set me up with two men (at two different times of course!).  She noted that if neither of those men worked out, she knew no one else!  I smiled, thanked her for her effort, and suggested that if those men were not for me, than that was ok.  I trusted God knew what he was doing.  Neither of those men were for me.  They were nice, good men.  But God was showing me that the time was not right, or the situation was not right.  I determined in my heart again to trust God, his ways, and his goodness.  It was not always easy.

Now however, I am one and a half years into dating a man.  This is the longest I have dated anyone.  Before our first date, I likely would have told you I was hoping for a date or two, maybe three.  But I wasn’t really expecting a steady boyfriend.  My past track record marred the hope that should have been in place.  But by God’s grace and goodness, here we are over a year later.  We are still dating.  Still learning of each other.  Still seeking God’s guidance.

But in full disclosure of honesty, I now understand parts of the Bible I never did before.  I understand why Paul wishes all were single, and expresses that he wants to spare trouble.  I used to marvel at 1 Corinthians 7, especially verses 25-35 — what did it mean?  Singleness was better?  I know now that singleness (despite the loneliness and struggles) is easier, not better.  What do I mean?  I mean that I lived my life however I wanted.  I could selfishly choose anything I wanted to do, invest in whatever and whomever I wanted.  My time, my money, my life, my priorities.  I could invest in time with God easily, and at one point I was in 2 Bible studies at a time, and was studying a different study on my own!

Then I met this man.  I started dating him.  (And how grateful I am for God’s good gift!).  But now, I understand that my time and interests are divided. A man is not a bad thing.  Not at all!  But I understand that my heart is divided too. Granted, God must always be first.   And when he gives a relationship, this order of loyalty is one that I am called to strive to maintain.  But as I’ve been dating, I’ve stared digging into the Bible in new ways.  I’ve pondered what it means that a woman is created as a helper. I wrote a list of what that word means according to a word search, then I listed what that means practically for me.  I’ve opened my Bible and pondered what is love.  I’ve had to evaluate what the Bible says versus what the world describes love to be.  I’ve gone over and over passages that suggest what kind of people we ought be: as dating forces me to examine myself, my beliefs, and who I might marry.  The Bible doesn’t express who I am to marry, but it certainly lays guidelines.

In my study of the Bible, I’ve recently studied the concept of covenant.  It rocked my knowledge and called me into a deeper understanding of dating and marriage.  You see, God is all about covenants, and marriage is a covenant, and a taste of what God offers those who believe in Him.  So as I studied, I started a list of what it means to be in covenant with someone.  I reasoned that if I were to marry, I wanted a clearer understanding of what I was entering.  Studying about covenants opened my eyes to the hardships Paul suggests accompany the marriage of two people.

For example, entering a covenant with someone means you take on their enemies.  It means you fight together and for each other.  It means that all they have and possess becomes yours by right. It means a sharing of life.  It means a giving up of self.  We have heard the phrase that you get it all: “the good, the bad, and the ugly.”  This is true when you understand covenant.  Entering a covenant is what a marriage is.  But this does not begin the day you walk an aisle and say I do.  Rather, learning to live this way and see if you can covenant is what the process of dating actually is.  Dating is letting another person into your life.  Your family.  Your time.  Your stuff.   Your hardships.  Your trials.  Your joys.  All of you.  And here is the reality: when two people share life with each other, there are two sets of families, two sets of sin patterns, two sets of personalities, two ways of doing things, two minds, and so forth.

And today I was called to take the beating of my boyfriend.  How?  Not physically of course.  We are not slaves or abused children.  Rather, I saw first hand the pummeling Satan wanted to bring on him.  He was discouraged and down.  I watched him process the hardships of life.  I saw a weary face lined with worry.  I saw his body slumped with hopelessness.  And I felt helpless.

Then the Spirit reminded me to pray for him.  Knowing he was tired, I suggested I pray for him and then leave so he could sleep.  We prayed together.  Life didn’t change immediately.  Peace didn’t instantly flood the room — although, a corner of the worry was stripped away so that peace could start to soothe.  My boyfriend stood and said, “Thanks, I needed that.”  We were united afresh. We stood together to fight.   At home later, I prayed some more.  Satan had my boyfriend in his targets.  His arrows were already flying.  Thus, I came between him and my boyfriend, because I am called to.  It is not always easy to intercede.  It is hard work.  But that is the fight of covenant.  We stand for each other when the other can not.

Dating and marriage do bring more trouble simply due to the fact that two people are living life together, and God himself tells us that this world is full of struggle.  But dating and marriage are also ground for fighting together.  A friend noted the other day that she believes that the component to marriage counsel that is often missing is the spiritual warfare side.  I completely agree!  Thus, as I thank God for my special boyfriend, I’m also reminded that dating is harder as it brings someone else’s trials and troubles to me. Yet, it also brings tremendous opportunity to support one another,  to encourage one another, and to take with them what they can not take on their own.  Togetherness provides opportunity to fight the spiritual battles that rage around us in this world.  Let us not forget the power of standing together!

Press on dear sisters into God! He is the Fortress that we must run into to weather loneliness, trials, or the other defeating storms of life!  And remember the story I was reading earlier of the slave that stood up to the master? That is the beauty of real dating and marriage.  Two people stand together to fight our unseen enemy.  Dating in real life is simply that — real life with all the joys and troubles that accompany it!

I have never been the kind of girl who could be described as boy crazy.  Never.  I didn’t care about boy bands, sport heroes, male models or the likes.  I never had huge posters of drop-dead gorgeous guys adorning my walls. I just didn’t care.  Of course I had a few crushes while I was in high school.  Of course I thought guys were cute.  I remember the college student who attended my church when I was a teen.  My friend and I secretly called him “eye candy.”  But despite a couple of crushes, despite seeing attractive guys, despite having girlfriends who commented on every passing guy, I never cared to that extent.  I was never boy crazy.  Perhaps that is also why I never dated, but I didn’t think that way at the time.  Rather, I pondered the girl who had a locker a few feet away from mine.  She always had a new boyfriend it seemed.  One of my also dateless friends once muttered, “How does she always have a guy?”  Another dateless friend answered, “Because she gives them what they want.” I wonder if that girl struggled with self esteem, struggled with feeling used, or struggled to accept love.

I grew up, went to college and still didn’t date.  At all.  It’s not that I went on a date with a guy here or there.  Nope.  I just didn’t date at all.  I thought there were some cute guys, a couple I thought were interesting.  But I wasn’t really disappointed that none of them asked me out. Don’t get me wrong — I wanted to date, but more than dating, I wanted marriage.  I had no interest in simply dating to date.

During this season of college, I was a resident assistant.  One day one of my girls asked if she could plan a floor event.  I had to have a certain number of fun events for the floor, and if she wanted to plan one, I was happy for the help.  She planned a themed night based off of the popular show, The Bachelor.  I barely knew what the show was about, but the evening was fun, and well attended.

Just the other day I watched a little bit of the season finale of The Bachelorette.  Now these shows have aired since 2002.  I have not followed the show at all.   I have seen bits and pieces here and there.  I know that one man or woman is given the option to meet 25 prospective mates.  I know that they go on a lot of group dates and eventually narrow down their choices to the men/women they want to go on individual dates with.  I know that they are mostly attractive, and well dressed.  I know that they are often willing to kiss and cuddle, despite knowing that another date is doing the exact same thing the next day.  I know that sex is often granted as a way of “exploring” the option.  I researched the outcome, and found it interesting that only 8 couples are together.  And of those 8 couples, some were not even paired together during the season, but rather found each other through the show itself (meaning members of different seasons paired up.)

When I watched the other day, the bachelorette had narrowed it down to two choices.  Two men between whom she had to choose.  Two men.  Both were attractive.  Both declared love for her. Both wanted to ask her to marry him.  One of the men shared the nagging doubt – what if she picked the other man.  He didn’t want to propose not knowing if she loved him. The man not chosen was heart-broken.

We are boy crazy, sex crazy, in love with love crazy.  And yet, so many of us are left wanting.   Perhaps as a whole, in general, we are desperate for love.  We feed our minds with pictures and images of men, of “reality” television with gorgeous women and fit men who put their 8-week relationship on display.  We evaluate our own lives by a perceived reality.  We watch shows that lavishly send a couple on romantic dates and to exotic places. We think that romance equals love.  We are desperate for love.

When we watch teenage girls develop dreams of love and romance; when they post pictures on their walls; when girls grow into women who desire relationships; when romance blossoms; when a woman’s heart longs for intimacy — the place to turn is to the Lover of our Souls.  Many women, single or married, are in this place of wanting.  Often God brings a good man into our lives, and we compare him to another or feel that he can’t meet our needs.  The simple truth is, no man can be that which only Jesus can be.  No girlfriend can either. I’d encourage you to get in tune with your heart.  As The Bachelorette demonstrates, we will go to crazy lengths to find real love.

May Jesus meet your needs today as only He can.  May we gratefully accept our girlfriends, our boyfriends, our husbands, our family, and those who genuinely show us God’s love. May we not seek the love our hearts so desperately need in the face or arms of another person, but may we instead look to Jesus.  His love is infinite.  His love is new each day.  His love will not leave us wanting.  “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  Press on dear women… you are loved by God!

At one point in time I collected quotes that struck me or that I liked.  One of the first quotes that lodged itself into my brain still pushes into my mind every once in awhile.  I didn’t consciously memorize this quote, I just walked past it for a whole year at one of the schools my mom worked at.  The quote was, “Attitudes are contagious — is yours worth catching?”   I still smile, because I can see the banner, in my minds eye, spread at the top of the stairway leading to the library!

Another quote that I collected someplace is, “Love comes quietly.  If you hear bells and whistles, get your ears checked!”  It made me smile.  Today it makes me think.

Writing this blog, as all other people who have blogs know, comes largely out of personal experience.  Today on my dresser sits a beautiful vase of peachy-orange roses, given to me the other day by my wonderful boyfriend.  He walked in the door, holding the roses!  I said, “Roses for me!”  (Who else would they be for!?)  It was a special treat to receive them!  I remember the day, quite a few years ago, that I was playing “Valentine Bingo” at a family reunion.  (My family celebrated holidays and occasions when we were together, and the occasion of the reunion was Valentines Day.)  As a then-single, who desired marriage, I wasn’t overly excited at the theme.  As we played this game, I’m pretty sure my mood became a little less than 100%.  The bingo boxes were filled with valentine gestures.  One of the boxes was, “Received flowers from a special someone.”  That is one that I remember clearly, though many of the other boxes were also left unfilled due to my dateless status!  Not being able to say yes to some of those items was slightly torturous to romantic me!  And now, I can say wholeheartedly that, yes, I’ve received flowers from a special someone … several times!  I’ll admit, it’s fun.

I find being in a dating relationship brings back a conversation that a friend and I had, also a number of years ago. I remember it distinctly, because I wanted to be married.  I wanted to date.  At 24 I had never been on a date, and my first date didn’t come until over a year later. But there I was again, with yet another one of my girlfriends who had recently gotten engaged.  I saw her pretty manicured hand, displaying the sparkling diamond.  I listened to her talk of the first date, and the proposal.  I really was happy and excited for her.  (Really!).  But what I remember most, was something that she said about Jesus. Something that now comes back to me as I find myself enjoying the attention of a special man in my life.

She said, “Why is it that it is so easy to fall in love with my fiance — to experience the love, the desires, and all that goes with being in love? But with Jesus, it’s harder?  I want to be in love with Jesus!”

I now understand what she meant.  Having a boyfriend means I have a tangible person freely giving me flowers and hugs.  It means I have a friend to call up and tell how my day went.  Dating causes me to rethink all the romance movies I’ve watched.  I find real life is different; it is choosing to be loveable and to accept the generosity of my boyfriend.  It is learning self-sacrifice.  It is a slow awakening to a different kind of love.  It for sure is not Hollywood. It is not bells and whistles.  Real love models Christ-likeness, and comes slowly and quietly. Nonetheless, in an earthly relationship, the feelings are real.  The man is standing before me.  I can see him, touch him, experience him.

Yet my friend’s question haunts me.  How can we women fall in love with Jesus all over again?  Single or dating, dating or married, married or widowed.  In whichever season of life we are in, can we experience, just as real, the feelings of being in love with Jesus?

I find that in our culture we want love to come quickly, loudly, and with certainty.  We want the romance, we want the feelings, we want the bells and whistles, so to speak.  We want this with Jesus too, if we are honest.  We want to feel the “mountain-top experiences.”  We want it to be easy to be good.  We want blessings in abundance.  We want the music and lyrics to “touch us.”  We want to get something out of the relationship far more than we want to practice selfless love for Jesus.  We want feel-good sermons.  We want friends who tell us we are good enough.  We want it easy.

Hmm. Bells and whistles are never a sign of true love.  Not with men.  Not with God.  Think with me to some of the feelings I’m experiencing in the new-to-me season of dating.  I want to be with him just doing nothing.  I smile over a text and get excited to hear his voice over my phone.  I think of him often throughout the day, and like knowing that he thinks of me too.  I delight in flowers and gifts.  I  get excited at the prospect of spending a whole day together. But these are the emotional sides of love.  They are not the depths of true love.

This morning I read an email from a friend.  She asked, “Do you know of any good studies for single women and/or women wanting to draw closer to God?”  Do you hear the longing in that question?  It is a desire to know God more… in essence it is the desire to get closer to God, to “feel” in love with Jesus again.  At least that is how I read it.  I pondered that.  I thought of my feelings over a man.  I wondered why don’t I have that with Jesus right now.  I laid in bed and thought. I asked Jesus, “Why don’t I feel that with you?”

All of a sudden the Spirit whispered back, “Remember Mary Ann, you have felt that way with Me before.  You couldn’t wait to have quiet time in the morning.  You immersed yourself in My Word and wanted Me to speak.  You asked Me questions.  You gave yourself plenty of time to pray, rather than rush through some pleasantries you called talking to Me.  That was falling in love with Me.  We can get back there.  You just need to be purposeful again.”  I didn’t feel condemnation.  I felt loved.

I’m reminded of more quotes. My sister once said, “Falling in love is a feeling.  Staying in love is a choice.”  She was talking about marriage.  I now see it is the same with Jesus.  Another friend once said, “Any fire will die if you don’t fan the flame.”  This is true with love for a person, or love for the Lord.

Do you want to be in love with Jesus?  Do you want the feelings, the bells and whistles? Just like any physical relationship, the emotions of being in love with Jesus are good.  But so is the deep knowledge that God loves you just for who you are.  So is the truth to the words, “Seek me and ye shall find.”  Press on to make time to fall in love with Jesus again.  Read His Word.  Spend time alone in His presence.  Listen to His voice.  His love comes quietly — in the calm of your heart.  It is not experiences and feelings.  It is the sacrifice of Himself that proves His love for you!  Press on sisters!  Jesus loves you and wants you to know the joy of falling in love with him all over again!