I have never been the kind of girl who could be described as boy crazy. Never. I didn’t care about boy bands, sport heroes, male models or the likes. I never had huge posters of drop-dead gorgeous guys adorning my walls. I just didn’t care. Of course I had a few crushes while I was in high school. Of course I thought guys were cute. I remember the college student who attended my church when I was a teen. My friend and I secretly called him “eye candy.” But despite a couple of crushes, despite seeing attractive guys, despite having girlfriends who commented on every passing guy, I never cared to that extent. I was never boy crazy. Perhaps that is also why I never dated, but I didn’t think that way at the time. Rather, I pondered the girl who had a locker a few feet away from mine. She always had a new boyfriend it seemed. One of my also dateless friends once muttered, “How does she always have a guy?” Another dateless friend answered, “Because she gives them what they want.” I wonder if that girl struggled with self esteem, struggled with feeling used, or struggled to accept love.
I grew up, went to college and still didn’t date. At all. It’s not that I went on a date with a guy here or there. Nope. I just didn’t date at all. I thought there were some cute guys, a couple I thought were interesting. But I wasn’t really disappointed that none of them asked me out. Don’t get me wrong — I wanted to date, but more than dating, I wanted marriage. I had no interest in simply dating to date.
During this season of college, I was a resident assistant. One day one of my girls asked if she could plan a floor event. I had to have a certain number of fun events for the floor, and if she wanted to plan one, I was happy for the help. She planned a themed night based off of the popular show, The Bachelor. I barely knew what the show was about, but the evening was fun, and well attended.
Just the other day I watched a little bit of the season finale of The Bachelorette. Now these shows have aired since 2002. I have not followed the show at all. I have seen bits and pieces here and there. I know that one man or woman is given the option to meet 25 prospective mates. I know that they go on a lot of group dates and eventually narrow down their choices to the men/women they want to go on individual dates with. I know that they are mostly attractive, and well dressed. I know that they are often willing to kiss and cuddle, despite knowing that another date is doing the exact same thing the next day. I know that sex is often granted as a way of “exploring” the option. I researched the outcome, and found it interesting that only 8 couples are together. And of those 8 couples, some were not even paired together during the season, but rather found each other through the show itself (meaning members of different seasons paired up.)
When I watched the other day, the bachelorette had narrowed it down to two choices. Two men between whom she had to choose. Two men. Both were attractive. Both declared love for her. Both wanted to ask her to marry him. One of the men shared the nagging doubt – what if she picked the other man. He didn’t want to propose not knowing if she loved him. The man not chosen was heart-broken.
We are boy crazy, sex crazy, in love with love crazy. And yet, so many of us are left wanting. Perhaps as a whole, in general, we are desperate for love. We feed our minds with pictures and images of men, of “reality” television with gorgeous women and fit men who put their 8-week relationship on display. We evaluate our own lives by a perceived reality. We watch shows that lavishly send a couple on romantic dates and to exotic places. We think that romance equals love. We are desperate for love.
When we watch teenage girls develop dreams of love and romance; when they post pictures on their walls; when girls grow into women who desire relationships; when romance blossoms; when a woman’s heart longs for intimacy — the place to turn is to the Lover of our Souls. Many women, single or married, are in this place of wanting. Often God brings a good man into our lives, and we compare him to another or feel that he can’t meet our needs. The simple truth is, no man can be that which only Jesus can be. No girlfriend can either. I’d encourage you to get in tune with your heart. As The Bachelorette demonstrates, we will go to crazy lengths to find real love.
May Jesus meet your needs today as only He can. May we gratefully accept our girlfriends, our boyfriends, our husbands, our family, and those who genuinely show us God’s love. May we not seek the love our hearts so desperately need in the face or arms of another person, but may we instead look to Jesus. His love is infinite. His love is new each day. His love will not leave us wanting. “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Press on dear women… you are loved by God!