Advice to waiting women (Pt 2)

(Continued: Lessons/Advice I’ve learned as a waiting single.)  (Again, if you aren’t waiting for a spouse, but for something else, some of these principles apply too!)

2)  Let me begin by saying that I’m not an advocate for flirting or calling attention to yourself to attract a guy.  I’m also not going to tell you that you have to “get out there and be available.”  Whatever that means.  Trust me, you could sit reading in a coffee shop for hours and still never meet a man. (One book I read actually suggested this as a means of getting out and being available!)  And I’ve been in a church with a large singles group.  I like games and therefore purposefully played kickball and ultimate Frisbee; I interacted with the guys, and I even hosted game nights (1 single guy showed up, the other few were married and their wives were with them).  I also know women and men who have tried online dating, and may have even gone on dates.  While some did marry, others didn’t.  Online dating does not necessarily guarantee a marriage, if you want God’s will for your life and He says no to any of your dates.  (Yes, getting out and being available does promote yourself as a partner, to that end I do agree!).   On the other hand if you are waiting to be married, I do advocate for purposeful set apart times of prayer for a spouse, as well as for yourself as you learn and prepare to be a wife.  Then I’d admonish you to LIVE YOUR LIFE IN COMPLETE SURRENDER TO CHRIST.  If you live this way –with prayer and purposefully seeking and following Christ, He can bring a man across your path whenever He so chooses (using whatever method He chooses, including online sites! My caution would be to ask God if online dating is right for you.  Some disagree with me on this, but this is my opinion.) So therefore, you can not stay inside your cozy home all the time reading, scrap booking, dreaming, and not venturing outside your door.  Get out and live however God directs you, in whatever job He calls you to, using whatever gifts He’s given, worshiping at whichever church He directs you to, serving wherever He leads, and learning how to make friends with both sexes!

3) Pray against bitterness, jealousy and covetousness.  All three are sins in God’s eyes, and I have had to confess them numerous times.

4)  Talk to women who are married and ask about married life.  Get a perspective other than the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. Observe relationships that are godly and those that aren’t. Talk to women older than you who are still waiting, and who are godly examples.

5) Seek out ways to “practice marriage principals” – unselfish living, giving generously, giving up of your time, prioritizing individual quiet time with God, etc.

6) Realize that no relationship will ever satisfy all your longings.  None.  Not a spouse.  Not your girlfriends.  Not your parents.  None but a relationship with God.  Make it your first priority to grow in intimacy with Christ.  After you are married this habit will be crucial too!

7) When you cry and are lonely, ask God to show you His heart.  If you feel like your physical body might explode… God knows, He made people with bodies… He can meet every emotional longing behind the physical desire.  (Next time that happens to me I might just tell God I need a hug!)  Ask for friends to hang out with, friends who both call you and whom you are willing to call and admit loneliness to. (And seek God’s counsel on sexuality and chastity.  Yes, it’s hard. On the other hand, sexuality expressed is a benefit of marriage, so again, I’m talking to those waiting and longing for marriage.  If you have no desire to be married, and yet can’t control yourself, I’ll be honest with you: it’s a sin in God’s eyes.)

8) Press on in surrender to Christ.  My mom once asked me, “what if God never has marriage for you?”  I remember saying, “I guess I’ll have to trust Him.”  If you long for marriage, pour out your heart before the All Knowing God.  However, also ponder what your response will be should God tell you that’s not the life He has for you.  Might that be hard?  Extremely.  The choice is if I’m willing to trust Him.

9) If you need, get counseling!  Life is very hard.  Pressing into Jesus in times of waiting, especially when it seems hopeless, or it’s taking 20 years instead of 2 —  is super hard.  Depression can creep in.  Please talk to a godly mentor, a pastor, a friend, a counselor… someone who will pray with you and encourage you, someone who will guide you back into God’s waiting arms.  It is only there that you’ll find true contentment.  Counseling can also help you with you — learning to grow on your own, and become a better future mate!

There… in a nutshell are the lessons I’ve learned in the last 11 years of my life about how to wait faithfully.  And I promise, this is just a nutshell!  I’ve had so many other experiences.  I’ve talked a lot to women, both married and single.  I’ve also determined to be cautious with what I fill my mind with: how many books on singleness and marriage I read, how many romantic comedies I watch, and how many sappy love songs I listen to.  I’ve been told to “stop looking, then it will just happen.”  (Yeah right, by the way.  When you want something, and especially in a couples world, it is very hard to “stop looking.”  It’s like saying, “stop the desires, the emotions, and your heart!” However, the truth is, when God becomes your all in all, the worrying about the future decreases and a peacefulness in His Sovereignty reigns).  I will say, trusting God is an adventure!

Press on waiting women!

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